DISCLAIMER: the following is all about how I feel. me, and me alone. i don't intend to influence anyone into thinking the way i do. all i'm doing is voicing out the things that i'm not happy about. they may be more incorrect in more ways than one, but all this is reasoned to the best of my knowledge. if the river runs deeper, then i do not know. but everything below is written to what i know thus far. if you feel offended about what you read, leave. no one's forcing you to stay and scrutinize every single word and phrase that is written here. if you're curious, keep an open mind and read on. curiosity, afterall, killed the cat, and maybe in death could we find our haven. good day...


yes. i never wanted this. i never wanted to born.. well, at least not in this country. now, i've signed an invisible contract to waste two entire years of my life serving national slavery. why am i whining again? well, after a good talk with wilson, i've just realized how much i hate the army (and him too) but he's done with it, so it does not apply here. looking back on it all and counting it, i also realized that i've lost many things because of my enlistment. first and foremost, has got to be my freedom (something that i'll get back in about a year, but that's a lil too long 'innit?), money (yes i've lost plenty because i'm gettin' peanuts pay and i'm spending my savings) and a 3 year long relationship with... well... someone that i thought was perfect for me. i guess it was good for that to go, but then again... did it have to be that painful? no. i didn't think so. and the same goes for a lot of people around me, those who are in this shit with me. sure, you can argue about how important it is to 'protect our country' and all that shit. but the plain fact of the matter has got to be that NONE OF US WANTED THIS. as you can pretty much see around you, those who are in this shit, whine and cry about it. some come close to insanity, and some just tumble off the brink. do they all deserve this? the answer is simply... no. you could argue again, that it's all about weeding out the weak. to turn boys into men. but i'm sure there are better ways? and what about those who WANT to stay the way they are? what about those who are comfortable with their mentality? what about those few who see and think differently about those mindless robots in the military? are we given that choice? the answer is simply... no. and am i about to face the fact that i'm not given a choice in almost everything i do in this country? the answer again is.. no. what am i going to do about it, you ask... well, i don't know as yet. but i'm sure as hell not going to succumb to this ridiculous 'herd mentality' where everything has to be 'standardized' and everything has got to 'prim and proper' to the minute details in accordance to some mindless fuckhead that takes his orders from yet another robot in this vicious cycle of dog eat dog. what? you don't know? oh... well then, let me tell you... it's all about your ability to 'carry your superior's balls' in the military. if you're on good terms, you get more off-s and leave-s. you get special perks. you get special treatment. and i'm not whining because i can't get along with my superior. on the contrary, i'm rather on talking terms with him, and it's because of that that i've seen the ugly side of this so called 3-g organization. let me reinterate what i've been saying for the past few sentences: I NEVER WANTED THIS. i never wanted to serve the country. i've never wanted to serve this nation that has given me back nothing but ugly people pushing themselves into trains before passengers alight, stuck up people who refuse to teach those 'newbies' anything because they're afraid of breaking their own 'rice bowl', rich fucks who think that they can rule the world because they've all the cash in the world, rich fucks who drive majorly big cars and get all the girls because all the girls are after are their money. yes, you know who i'm talking about. it could well be you. yes, you reader. you know what you're guilty of. and so am i. we are never perfect. but of course, that's not my issue here. not about your fucked up personality or mine, not about how screwed up you are. no. it's about choices. contrary to 'the matrix', i believe that everything begins with CHOICE. and here, the males in this sunny lil island are not given a choice. at least not for 2 years of their life and not for the many years to follow where they have serve 'reservist' and waste yet again, more time in their life. democratic my ass. am i given a voice here? no. i'm just stating plain facts as i know it. if there's more to it, if the river runs deeper... then please tell me. make me understand, and i'll make YOU understand my point of view. and as it is with my character, if you can out-reason me with logic, you win and i'll be the most hardcore patron of your idealogy you have ever seen. until then, i'm sticking to my guns and raving like a madman on how FUCKED UP this place is. there are many more political issues that i would like discuss, but i don't wish to have my arse hauled into jail for it. and let me say this for the last and final time: I NEVER WANTED THIS. I WAS NEVER GIVEN A CHOICE IF I WAS TO BE ENLISTED IN THE ARMY. I NEVER WANTED TO BE. WHERE ARE MY RIGHTS? I DON'T FEEL LIKE I OWE THIS COUNTRY ANYTHING. DON'T FORCE ME TO PAY MY DUES IF NO ONE HAS DONE ANYTHING FOR ME. a little harsh? no i don't think so. is it harsh when someone takes away 2 years of your life and threatens to take more? i don't think so. is it harsh when someone forces it down your throat that it is your RESPONSIBILITY to serve this country? i didn't think so. dig this: MY ONLY RESPONSIBILITY IS TO CARE FOR MY FAMILY AND THOSE WHO HAVE SHOWN ME THAT THEY CARE FOR ME. IF THIS COUNTRY GOES UP IN SMOKE, I AM GOING TO GET ME AND MY FAMILY OUT OF THIS GOD-FORSAKENED ISLAND, RENT A ROOM IN SOME NEIGHBORING COUNTRY AND L.A.U.G.H. TILL I ROLL ON THE FUCKING FLOOR AND STILL CONTINUE LAUGHING AS I WATCH IT ON THE NEWS CHANNEL. what? am i supposed to feel sorry? no fucking way. you controlled me in so many ways that i never thought possible and still you are controlling my freedom, my thinking, the way i do things. so there you go... that's it. i'm just gonna sit and laugh. so what if i can't leave this country in time before it happens? well... I'D RATHER DIE THAN GIVE YOU CONTROL. at least i died on my own accord. i died out of MY OWN stupidity. my own mistake. the only person that i've to blame is ME. i'll die happy. because it was my CHOICE. not something that was forced down on me. and this is a general shoutout to those who think they can change something about me that i've never wanted: I'LL LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY. BRING IT. and here's a little something brought to you from trent reznor from nine inch nails. i think this really speaks about how the situation is on our sunny little island.

head like a hole-

bow down before the one you serve
you're going to get what you deserve
bow down before the one you serve
you're going to get what you deserve
god money i'll do anything for you
god money just tell me what you want me to
god money nail me up against the wall
god money don't want everything he wants it all
no, you can't take it
no, you can't take it
no, you can't take that away from me
no, you can't take it
no, you can't take it
no, you can't take that away from me
head like a hole
black as your soul
i'd rather die
than give you control
head like a hole
black as your soul
i'd rather die
than give you control
bow down before the one you serve
you're going to get what you deserve
bow down before the one you serve
you're going to get what you deserve
god money's not looking for the cure
god money's not concerned about the sick among the pure
god money let's go dancing on the backs of the bruised
god money's not one to choose
no, you can't take it
no, you can't take it
no, you can't take that away from me


head like a hole
black as your soul
i'd rather die
than give you control
head like a hole
black as your soul
i'd rather die
than give you control
bow down before the one you serve
you're going to get what you deserve
bow down before the one you serve
you're going to get what you deserve
bow down before the one you serve
you're going to get what you deserve
bow down before the one you serve
you're going to get what you deserve
head like a hole
black as your soul
i'd rather die
than give you control
head like a hole
black as your soul
i'd rather die
than give you control
bow down before the one you serve
you're going to get what you deserve
bow down before the one you serve
you're going to get what you deserve
bow down before the one you serve     
you're going to get what you deserve    
bow down before the one you serve
you're going to get what you deserve