The Kill
what if i wanted to break
laugh it all off in your face
what would you do?
what if i fell to the floor
couldn't take all this anymore
what would you do?
i tried to be someone else
but nothing seemed to change
i know now, this is who i really am inside
falling from myself
falling for a chance
i know now, this is who i really am
kill
break me down
bury me, bury me
i am finished with you
look in my eyes
you're killing me, killing me
all I wanted was you
Friday, May 05, 2006
-5:28 AM
finally, the forms are submitted and it awaits processing. a small step which in turn might be a big thing. who knows. the only thing i know is, if i get approved and i get to go up there.. my hands will be shaking. but i know what has to be done. and hopefully, i can calm my nerves to do just that. and hopefully ableton will be installable on my new laptop.
production for the introductory track is complete. i've yet to collect comments and criticism but it sounds grand and epic enough for me. the second track is well underway.. a fuse of tribal drums, house and trance. or at least that's what i have planned. i've basically had a rough melody down and the bassline is basically done. still a lot of work needs to be done.. and all before 31st may! i hope i can make it.
exit the underground.
...with guns blazing.
all this time, i've always wanted to feel how it is to 'clear leave + off'. i've always eye-ed those who were 'clearing' with envious eyes. now it's my turn. and honestly, i don't feel a thing. it's like any normal day, just that i don't have to go back to that godforsakened place. giving me more time to concentrate on things that ACTUALLY MATTER. it's bad in a way though, i seem to be losing more sleep when i'm away from camp rather than when i'm actually going back. it's bad, but i'm not complaining.
perhaps after all that's happened, i've finally lost my ability to feel altogether. everything to me is like a 'matter of fact'. the only things that seem to matter most to me is to get my four wheels, my brand new toy (laptop), getting a degree and giving a good show @ tapestry. perhaps that's alot, perhaps it's a little too... little.
i wish you'll be there watching me from the side. a face in the crowd. but i know it's never meant to be.
pay day's coming! and that's when i get my new phone! wheeee~ cheap but something new to play with nonetheless. i can't wait... one of the few steps to getting back my freedom. oddly enough, i've been planning on how to shed my skin. off with this pathetic army-boy outlook. black hair. god! i've never had black hair for so long!
trance, techno, house, hardstyle, breaks... melodies and beats weaving in and out of my dreams.. to define, to innovate, to rip out all that is stereotypical. break the boundaries but yet remain within the circle.
one of those times where too much influences from too many genres is a little too.. irritating?
i need to breath some life into my life. ironic? it's dead. dead as a fried computer motherboard. dead as the pixels on a faulty laptop. sliced to pieces with a dagger air-drawn. and all of this when it seems defined by moving breathing computers.
go play some gta, 'steal' some cars, kill some 'people', perhaps you'll feel better.
instead of that, maybe i should get me self some sleep.
