The Kill
what if i wanted to break
laugh it all off in your face
what would you do?
what if i fell to the floor
couldn't take all this anymore
what would you do?
i tried to be someone else
but nothing seemed to change
i know now, this is who i really am inside
falling from myself
falling for a chance
i know now, this is who i really am
kill
break me down
bury me, bury me
i am finished with you
look in my eyes
you're killing me, killing me
all I wanted was you
Friday, August 18, 2006
-1:26 AM
listening: from autumn to ashes - abandon your friends
evanescence - my immortal (radio edit)
joan jett and the blackhearts - i hate myself for loving you
and finally, the lines are crossed. above and beyond, no chance for redemption. shadows of once proud morals and principles simply stand as spectators as the plot unfolds. interest and curiosity intertwined with chance and coincidence. all the 'could haves' and 'might have beens' have really come to pass. well then, we'll see where this road takes us to. this.. somewhat forbidden romance.
we're not too different, the two of us. from different worlds, perhaps not. i guess in our own way, we're caught in between a vortex of living out the expectations from the rest of the world while trying to be ourselves and make some sense out of our own lives.
and with this situation that came along like spider, although the direct opposite (and certainly from a different kind of person) of how i'm actually feeling - the former being fondness (think fluffy white clouds, pink cotton candy etc.), the latter is resentment. it has made me see what kind of choices and mistakes i've made... from the past to the present. what kind of people that i've been wasting my time with, what kind of people i've been putting my trust in. it has come to me, clear as crystal, bright as sunshine. and now, i know. the name of this game. the rules of the game. what can be flouted, what can be bent. i've been trying to run away from the truth, but it has always come back to haunt me... each time for forcing me to take a step back. i've never been one to initiate a war and i've always been giving in a little too much. finally it's time to learn...
"there is no avoiding war, it can only be postponed to the advantage of the enemy."
- niccolo machiavelli, 1502
and once i'm ready, i'm coming for you. nothing on god's green earth can stop me. unless of course, you take a step back and run away. then in your brilliant dance of cowardice, i'll stand where i am and i'll taunt you. i only pray that you'll be ready for the horrors that i'm about to unleash. just for you.
