The Kill
what if i wanted to break
laugh it all off in your face
what would you do?
what if i fell to the floor
couldn't take all this anymore
what would you do?
i tried to be someone else
but nothing seemed to change
i know now, this is who i really am inside
falling from myself
falling for a chance
i know now, this is who i really am
kill
break me down
bury me, bury me
i am finished with you
look in my eyes
you're killing me, killing me
all I wanted was you
Sunday, January 14, 2007
-3:01 PM
listening: 周杰倫 - 夜的第七章
周杰倫 - 退後
周杰倫 - 白色風車
Loser - Nobody knows
... i don't know why it hurts like it does. and i have no idea why i'm still in this. it's like a twisted game of sado-masochism; it seems i like to get myself hurt. or perhaps i just need to find this strength (and will power) within myself to just say: fuck it, fuck off, i don't need this in my life. it's like an endless battle which, for the first few times in my life, i cannot predict the conclusion. the end is hazy and the path is laced with poison.
can i be matured enough to handle this? i think i can. i think i can put up a front that says: well, it didn't work out, sure... no problem, no biggie. but i know it'll hurt inside. but thank god, that i've been through deeper and harder shit than this. if not... haha, i'll be an emotional wreck by now. i guess experiences are all that counts, really.
but as the song plays ('nobody knows') - 'there's no one to blame, nobody but me. nobody knows what lies in front of me. i have to face the world and live my life alone. nobody knows, that's why i find myself alone.' ....and why? because it's mostly my fault. i agreed to play this, i said: ok, and now i have to live out the consequences of hurting...
still, i thank god that i have my car... and everytime i feel that turbine spin, it brings a smile to my face. and thanks to current on-going projects, more things will be added and perhaps i'll learn how to smile more often.
"I'm still alive, must've been a miracle. It's been a helluva a ride, and destination still unknown. it's a fact of life. and if you make one wrong move with a gun to your head, you better walk the line or you'll be left for dead. i'm a runaway train on a broken track, i'm a ticker on a bomb you can't turn back this time. that's right. i got away with it all and i'm still alive. let the end of the world come tumbling down, i'll be the last man standing on the ground... as long as hot blood runs through my veins, i'm still alive!" - Meatloaf, Alive
