The Kill
what if i wanted to break
laugh it all off in your face
what would you do?
what if i fell to the floor
couldn't take all this anymore
what would you do?
i tried to be someone else
but nothing seemed to change
i know now, this is who i really am inside
falling from myself
falling for a chance
i know now, this is who i really am
kill
break me down
bury me, bury me
i am finished with you
look in my eyes
you're killing me, killing me
all I wanted was you
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
-2:35 AM
listening:
tiesto - ten seconds before sunrise
i finally know now. i know what has to be done. i have to fix this bug within me. this bug that's causing me (and others) much grieve. i'm sorry, to all of y'all. all those i have hurt, then and now.
thank you justin. you have shown me a side which i have been hiding all along. i guess the beers did help huh? thank you for sharing the secret to the merciful release. perhaps now, i can see things in a clearer light. thank you for answering my desperate cry for help. thank you for being there.
thank you carrie. you have been the only person that could see right through to me, even though this was our first meeting. i sometimes wonder, are you a closeted-psychologist-in-training? you'll make a great one if you should study that. haha! i'm sure i'll be seeing more of you in future...
thank you roy. for at least trying to be there. i know you're being held up by circumstances and i understand. still i know what you did, and i thank you.
this all seems so surreal... like it isn't happening, but yet it is. it's like living in a dream which you can't wake up from. now... there's this jolt, a bolt of electricity running through me and yes, my drive is finally coming back. it's all coming back to me now. i was down before, now i'm back up again (or at least trying to be). and i hope nothing in this world can break me down. hope.
"hope is a good thing. perhaps the best of things. and no good thing ever dies." - andy dufresne to red, shawshank redemption
yes, and i still continue to hope.
somehow, the last song i heard before i left the office today keeps ringing in my head: one. u2.
u2: one
Is it getting better Or do you feel the same Will it make it easier on you now You got someone to blame You say... One love One life When it's one need In the night One love We get to share it Leaves you baby if you Don't care for it Did I disappoint you Or leave a bad taste in your mouth You act like you never had love And you want me to go without Well it's... Too late Tonight To drag the past out into the light We're one, but we're not the same We get to Carry each other Carry each other One... Have you come here for forgiveness Have you come to raise the dead Have you come here to play Jesus To the lepers in your head Did I ask too much More than a lot You gave me nothing Now it's all I got We're one But we're not the same Well we Hurt each other Then we do it again You say Love is a temple Love a higher law Love is a temple Love the higher law You ask me to enter But then you make me crawl And I can't be holding on To what you got When all you got is hurt One love One blood One life You got to do what you should One life With each other Sisters Brothers One life But we're not the same We get to Carry each other Carry each other One...life One
ah yes.. the legendary u2, with the flamboyant bono. hits the spot everytime. gets me every single time.
...secretly i wish everything will be okay again. so that i can make it right, once more.
goodbye. good night.
