The Kill
what if i wanted to break
laugh it all off in your face
what would you do?
what if i fell to the floor
couldn't take all this anymore
what would you do?
i tried to be someone else
but nothing seemed to change
i know now, this is who i really am inside
falling from myself
falling for a chance
i know now, this is who i really am
kill
break me down
bury me, bury me
i am finished with you
look in my eyes
you're killing me, killing me
all I wanted was you
Friday, June 29, 2007
-3:42 AM
listening:
30 seconds to mars - echelon
first off, thanks to all. thank you so much for the help and support you all gave. dad, mom, aunty, uncle... thank you all.
i've finally seen the light. i know what i must do. and i know i cannot forget. perhaps my dad will constantly remind me. i don't know. but yeah, i know what road i should walk now. i know i've gone astray, please forgive me. it's been a tough few months for me and perhaps i've broken down to a point where i actually forgot who i really was. and for the first time in a couple of years, i actually cried again in public. (and in orchard at it!) the tears were so familiar that it felt comforting to some extent. through the tears, i was lost. i thank my lucky stars i was found again in such a short time. still, the future is uncertain. i don't know what lies ahead... i held on so tightly that i've fallen off. but right now i've regained footing once again. i can once again feel the strength somehow slowly seeping back. it'll take awhile before it all comes back again, but i feel renewed in someway and that's a good thing.
i've metamorphosi-zed again, no doubt. who is this marcus? he's a remnant of the old one but perhaps a new and improved version. i've hid the cocoon of the past. and perhaps it should haunt me no longer. i don't know if this is a good thing, but i'm certain that i've grown in someway through all the pain, tears, blood and chaos.
i'll try my darnest not to slip back. never again. i hate that place. it's dank, cold, dark and lonely. so now it's my quest to work my way up again.
counting back the versions, this has got to be version 8. i think...
i hope that she'll be happy with me. i hope that we can work it out, but still it has to be the two of us. there's no one else. i had a revelation talking to her today. and well, it was good although it was bitter-sweet. whether it'll work or not, i don't know. but i'm gonna try. i don't know if that will mean anything to her, but it's still... worth one helluva shot. it's a promise i intend to keep. so heaven & hell help me, god & devil help me, this is gonna be one hell of a crazy ride.
the phoenix is reborn. too late to turn back now.
