The Kill
what if i wanted to break
laugh it all off in your face
what would you do?
what if i fell to the floor
couldn't take all this anymore
what would you do?
i tried to be someone else
but nothing seemed to change
i know now, this is who i really am inside
falling from myself
falling for a chance
i know now, this is who i really am
kill
break me down
bury me, bury me
i am finished with you
look in my eyes
you're killing me, killing me
all I wanted was you
Sunday, July 01, 2007
-12:27 PM
listening:
Guns and Roses - Sympathy for the Devil
"Pleased to meet You... Hope you guessed my name. But what's puzzling you is the nature of my Game."
My name's Marcus, and one helluva complicated wreck. At times, it's easy to second-guess my thoughts, and at other times, the ends just don't justify the means. My life revolves around Music, creating and listening. My mood is being controlled by the soundtrack of my life, and of course also by situations that happen.
I'm one of those assholes who can't sit down and do nothing. I need to work on something constantly, to do something productive. If not I'll feel useless. I need a goal and something to work towards, in all aspects of my life. I always need to see the end so at least I know what I'm gettin' in the end. As you may guess, I'm not much of a risk-taker, but at times, I do lose myself and do something crazy (once again, this is being dictator-ed by situations and circumstances).
In terms of Love, I'm a hopeless romantic and I've pretty much come to terms with that. Although I try hard to keep myself at bay, but sometimes it's a little hard. I give up myself completely just because of Love. I believe in sacrifices when it comes to relationships, and I go all the way, a 110%, for that. But if I feel my partner not putting anything, I'll slowly take it all out till there's nothing left 'cause I really don't want to be hurt again. (Yes, I've been hurt bad before) It's a little hard to live life when your eyes are puffy and your mind is in chaos.
I'm an easy-going person to get along with, but you betray my trust once and I'll make god damn sure your life to come is not going to be a smooth one. (ala my previous friends, my ex-girlfriend) Oh yes, I believe in Hexes too. Black-magick and the likes. Although I haven't practiced in awhile, I believe I haven't lost it yet. That much said, I don't really like to trust people completely, due to the countless times of betrayal which of course, is beyond count, beyond tears.
My daily staple diet consists of 2 things - Coffee and Cigarettes. (occasionally tea, red-bull and cigars) Favorites include Beef, Chicken, Linguine, Cheese, Pizza and the occasional Chinese cuisine. I don't drink much, but when I do, it could only mean that I'm depressed or I'm really happy. Champagne is top of my list, but for the normal days it's Heineken or Cocktails.
Depression, although a simple word to type, but not a feeling easily felt. Ranges from a high-rated depression to a low-end sadness. And depending on how high it is, ranges from tears to actually self-mutilation. Yes, I do cut myself sometimes to relief the emotional pain. I'm sadistic, I like to see blood at times. And from those times, it's mostly my blood that flows. I don't like to beat people up, but sometimes it's unavoidable.
In times of ultimate depression, I'll hide away in the recesses of mind where no one would be able to get to me. I do that to keep myself sane. And to prevent from the outside world from hurting me further. And in these times, I lose myself completely. I forget who I am, but most of the time, I'd be able to find myself quite quickly.
I'm a real-grease monkey to some extent. I like driving fast and loud. I appreciate a loud, powerful engine and well, although it does scare me at times, I still like it. It helps me forget things. I'd really love to live my life a quarter-mile at a time, but it's a little hard to do it in singapore.
Well then, I'd leave the rest up to mystery. Afterall, everyone needs to be shrouded in a little mystery yeah? That's what makes it interesting.
